Lies, Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Apologies for the long break between posts, but I've been busy these last few days and have just now taken a look at this blog and realized I should write something! Today's topic has to do with lies (and, perhaps, the lying liars who tell them). More specifically, I want to consider the idea of white lies, those tiny untruths people tell mostly to try and make others feel better.

Let's start by considering a situation you've probably found yourself in:

Sofia, a co-worker of yours, comes by your desk and asks if you like her new dress. Maybe what she's wearing isn't quite as bad as this, but it's still something you don't think makes her too appealing. You also happen to know that Sofia herself really likes her new look, and would be hurt if you gave her your honest opinion. Is it okay to lie?

Most people who are really trying to answer ethically are going to say that no, you can't lie: after all, the truth sometimes hurts, but lying is wrong. But I don't think that this is exactly right.

Let's start by all agreeing that, generally speaking, people are obligated to be truthful to each other and that only some kind of special circumstance could justify or excuse lying. In the case of Sofia, the answer to whether or not you may lie has to do with what you think the answer to this question is: Does Sofia expect that you will tell the truth?

Let's assume that Sofia does not expect you to be brutally honest with her in your response. In that case, she's probably asking you in order to gauge the way that you frame your response. If you say "You look fantastic!", she'll think you like her new dress; if you say "you look fine" or "that's certainly an interesting choice," she's likely to read between the lines and understand that you don't think she looks fine, or that by "interesting" you really mean "stupid." If, on the other hand, she does expect you to tell her the truth, then, uncomfortable as it may be, you do need to be more literally honest (which of course doesn't mean you have to say "you look hideous!" One can be truthful and tactful at the same time).

To put it another way, Sofia is looking for you to be honest, which doesn't necessarily mean she wants you to be truthful. The concept of sarcasm acts in much the same way: if I make a comment like "that business meeting certainly did not make me want to shove my head into an oven!" my listener will probably realize my real intent. In both cases, it's the message I'm communicating that's important, and not necessarily the literal meaning of the words I employ.

Which of course brings us to an important point about the ethics of lying: namely, that our obligation to the truth has much more to do with communication, not the words that we use. I have to make an honest effort to ensure the idea I'm communicating to you is true, and I can do that through a number of different means, including some where I tell a lie.